Trump Has Won. Now The Nation Can Finally Begin To Heal

"Democracy is saved," cried Barbera Comstock late Tuesday evening, surrounded by her friends after a long day of suppressing the democratic vote by posting incessantly on Facebook. A large group of Republicans had gathered for an election night watch party at that Mexican restaurant in the parking lot near the old homeschool bookstore and there was a lot of excitement in the room.

"Oh, they know he took Pennsylvania, they just can't bear to say it!" sneered an onlooker who was wearing a shirt that said "THATS A BABY IN YOUR BELLY" and a hat that read "Make America Stop Being Gay Again".

By the time President Trump delivered his speech Tuesday night, the feeling in the room almost seemed euphoric. Mike Hunt, leader of the Alaska chapter of "Hands ON Your Body" gave his own speech.

"It's over...and is also just beginning. We have endured four years of persecution and prosecution. Border wars and Ohioan pets being eaten. The highly rated and very exciting world of women's sports being infiltrated by men. Public bathrooms being unisex. And....and lots of other stuff!!" And everyone clapped.

It's been a long four years of divisive policies from the Biden administration (like an EV charger in Cantwell and requiring schools to install litter boxes for children who identify as cats). Now that democracy is saved and America has chosen a fresh, young and non-polarizing president, the healing process can really begin.