Studies Show Women Vote For Who They Would Sleep With; Thats Bad News For Republicans

With liberal heroes like Gavin Newsome, Barack Obama and Justin Trudeau being gifted politicians and also super super sexy, they deliver a knockout punch to their typically ugly opponents. One can only imagine what the election outcome would have been had Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum received the nomination in 2012 instead of Mitt Romney.

"Would," was the one word response from Chelsea Horton when shown a picture of Ryan Reynolds. "Ew," she quickly said when shown a picture of Mitch McConnel. She went on to quickly say that she mainly preferred the policies of Mr. Reynolds although she wasn't quite sure what they were. "I can honestly say that based on my research, Ryan's stance on the Middle East, Ukraine as well as his domestic policies are far superior to whatever that other guy thinks. It's not even close."

We sat down with James Cand of Really Focused; a Maryland based think tank. He said that the republicans have a lot of ground to make up in the "looks department". "You can't alienate 50% of the voter base with these trolls they keep putting up. I mean, Ted Cruz,,, really? Do you want to win?"

Even if an ugly republican does manage to win an elected office, they are guaranteed to be faced with a full term of insults and personal attacks. "I'd say the most hurtful one I've received was 'Ugly McFugly," said Stan Schmidt, a city council member in Orange County, CA who won a close race against Idris Elba. "I mean, my campaign was a machine, my policies were clearly superior and I have a solid record of public service. It was just barely enough to get me across the finish line going against Idris and he never even put up a website."

We have received anonymous reports that the republican party is working overtime to find sexy candidates for the next election cycle. We reached out to the RNC but as of the publishing of this article, we have not received a response.