My Wife And I Started Doing Something Else That Makes Us Better Than You

We were worried that we were running out of ways to signal our privilege to our other shallow friends with luxury beliefs but we think we just found something to add to the list.

Here is the current list of things that we have incorporated into our lifestyle :

• Composting everything from feathers to feces

• We have 4 EV's that we charge at home

• Invested $78,000 into solar panels that will start paying for itself in a short 42 years

• We practice "minimal waste" which means that between the two of us, we only produce about 13lbs of garbage per year that will end up in our failing landfills

• We only travel by cargo ship. It takes an extra 3 months to get to our destination but we are reducing our carbon footprint in ways you can only imagine to be able to afford

• 51% of our retirement portfolio is invested in African based REM mining stocks. It's very important to us to support the Third World

• We protest against new domestic mines and drilling exploration projects at least once per month

• Our lawn mower, weed whacker, vacuum, heating system, hair dryers, stove, refrigerator, can openers, scooters, TV and lights are all certified clean electric

• We haven't eaten meat in 7 years. Instead, we choose plant-based options, high in soy and have achieved the desired "gaunt look"

• We only buy second hand Patagonia

• We only shop at grocery stores that offer those super sanitary bulk bins so we can fill our even more sanitary canisters with our daily provisions

• We aren't able to walk very far because of how weak we are from our aforementioned plant-based diet but when we have the time (which we usually do), we ride electric scooters to run our errands

The new item that we are excited to add to this list is: We will no longer be using the toilets, showers or sink in our home. We have decided that it's just to detrimental to our fragile ecosystem to wantonly clean ourselves or flush the commode whenever our heart desires. Thankfully, we both have memberships at the Alaska Club Summit :)

Wilber and Wendy Weakling have lived on the Anchorage Park Strip for 38 years and both retired from distinguished careers in the oil and gas industry. They never had any children and enjoy riding E-bikes to New Sagaya