Anchorage Unveils New Election Integrity Robots, CC69

With less than two weeks until November 5th, there are growing fears amongst Republicans and Democrats about election fraud and mass rioting after elections have been called. With such a heavily armed populace, especially in the Mountainview neighborhood, city officials are scrambling to assure voters that they will be able to vote safely and without intimidation.

Enter CC69, the election integrity robot. Manufactured by Chinese company Guangdong Ai Yin, the 6 robots were ordered in May of this year and arrived just in time for their first big task.

"We can all breathe a big sigh of relief now that they're here," Assembly chair Chris Constant said of the machines on Monday. "We were told by election experts that with this being the last election of our lives, we needed to make sure that we had the tools in place to protect voters from intimidation and restore order when the definitely-not-orchestrated riots break out." CC69 has an MSRP of $188,498 each and will be paid for with proceeds from the municipal alcohol tax and a "special withdrawal" from the general fund, he said.

Below is a list of preprogrammed phrases you may hear the robot utter while standing in line to vote:

• Evening folks, don't mind me...I'm just doing my job

• You look American and all but, can I see 3 forms of I.D.?

• I hope you brought enough ice cream for both of us :)

• ENGAGE DEATH MODE!!

• Didn't mean to bump into you, I'm still learning to walk ;)

• I SAW YOU VOTE TWICE AND NOW YOU MUST PAY WITH YOUR LIFE!!!

After the election is over, city officials say they will be using the robots as city ambassadors downtown to answer questions, pose for pictures with tourists and to point people to the closest public restroom.