Anchorage Cartel To Enable Homelessness Celebrates Only Spending $60,000 Per Person to House Them in Rundown Motels

In a major win for the "non-profit", a spokesperson could barely contain their excitement on Monday when announcing the plan worth millions.

"We're doing good work and now, after all these years and millions and millions and millions in funding, we finally have something to show for it!"

Under the new ACEH plan called "Little Tiny Baby Steps", every person experiencing homelessness, no matter the reason, would be eligible for a free room in one of four, roach infested hotels scattered throughout Anchorage and ACEH said they have plans to add dozens more. "There's no shortage of seedy hotel owners looking to make a nice return on their property that they haven't invested any money in since the 80's." an ACEH employee said.

So far, the hotels listed for the program were:

1. Black Angus Inn

2. Mush Inn Motel

3. Chelsea Inn Hotel

4. Travel Inn

We reached out to Chester Dunk, owner of the Mush Inn on Concrete Street for comment. "I told em that I'd be the perfect fit because that's already the clientele I cater to. I gets em. I understands em. And I can keep em in line!"

Across town, at the Chelsea Inn Hotel, the guy working the desk said he didn't expect much to change. "I'll give you the breakdown of our customers from last month. 36% hookers, 28% regular bums, 24% folks that got kicked out of their house by their spouse and 12% really unlucky tourists."

Further down Spenard Road, Alex Yinn, the owner of Alex Inn said he was hoping to be approved to get his hotel on the list to bring in new "customers". "After ACEH takes their cut of $30,000 for the placement fee, that's an easy $30,000 in my pocket!" he laughed. "The best part is that if someone destroys the place, I get it all remodeled...for free!!"

Only time will tell how successful the Little Tiny Baby Steps program will be but at least there's a lot of really good people getting paid.