Alaska Public Media Begins Fall Fund Drive - "Dig Deep, Racists"

Once the termination dust begins to work its way down from the top of the Chugach Range, it can only mean that the NPR Fall Fund Drive is just around the corner. The "non-profit" media organization that receives the bulk of its funding from the American taxpayer, has a unique strategy for raising "that sweet, sweet gravy" as it's commonly referred to within the company ("gravy" is a term used to refer to anything up an over what is actually needed).

"We call it the 'guilt grovel'," said Susan McCraft, Manager of Individual Giving at APM. "We spend all year blaming our listeners for climate change and then ask them for money as soon as the PFD check hits."

Fund drives can be nostalgic for some as it brings back memories of watching PBS in the 80's and dreaming of being one of those lucky people in the background, answering phones.

Mrs. Metcalf went on to talk about the exciting incentives they use to convince listeners to pony up to the next donation level. "We have all sorts of swag this year! There's a bookbag that says "I'm A Beneficiary Of Colonialism", a "Stop Having Kids & Eat Bugs" bumper sticker, very popular by the way, and a trucker hat that says, "Its Okay To Be Depressed About Man Made Climate Change."

"In 2016, we stumbled upon this groundbreaking new strategy where our ratings went higher the more we insulted our audience," said Chuck Lester, Director of Programming at NPR. "Since then, we've doubled down and have no plans of stopping. Our direct feedback from listeners is that they feel like giving to NPR is a way to atone for their sins that we informed them they were committing."

This year's fund drive is running through the weekend and they are quickly running out of "Humanity Ends With Me" refrigerator magnets.