Accustomed to Gambling in Run Down Trailers, Alaskans Feel Right at Home in Eklutna Casino

"We're making so much damn money!" said Aaron Leggett, CEO of the newly opened Eklutna Gaming Hall For The People's Republic Of Eklutna. "Casinos are a fickle thing," he continued. "No one really knows why anyone goes to them since its nearly guaranteed you will lose money. Must be the lights?"

The gaming hall was approved as Joe Biden was walking out of the Oval Office for the last time when he had an assistant use DocuSign to put his signature on the request.

There were already several lawsuits in the courts fighting the opening of the casino. One lawsuit is claiming the "trailer looks like trash and I don't wanna look at it" while another is alleging the blinking lights from the slot machines will kill salmon.

"We're pretty used to people telling us that we don't have the right to exist," Leggett said as he counted housing vouchers people lost playing blackjack.

A spokesperson for the casino said they're working on a contract with Brother Francis Shelter where they will bus clients from Anchorage to Eklutna and provide them with $10 in "starter money".